It Can’t Be All Me
You know, I used to wonder where some pastors came up with all the great stories they had. The life events they encountered seemed like they were way out in left field. But no matter how crazy they seemed or how difficult the circumstances were, God always helped them to made some miraculous comeback, pulled them through and taught them a lesson. And they were able to turn the experience into some all-star sermon.
I never understood it.
I want to take a chance to explain my tardiness the last two months.
I had a job I truly enjoyed. It was good pay. Great benefits. I really couldn’t have asked for more. But without going into too much detail here, I will just say we parted ways.
I was scared. I didnt know how to pay for my family. Our home. Food. Electricity. I searched high and low for a job. And I made a crucial mistake that led me down a path that I didn’t want to go down.
I took a job without consulting the one who controls it all. I didn’t pray about it. I didn’t even give it a passing glance. I signed on the dotted line because I saw dollar signs. It was a way out, an answer to my situation. It required a lot of travel, but the pay was amazing. This was going to solve all my problems.
Three weeks later, I realized what I had done. I felt alone. I had not been home in a month. I had not seen my son’s beautiful face except for the Facetime app I had on my phone. I had not kissed him goodnight.
I didn’t hug the one and only woman in my life.
This job took me to dark places–places I never in my life wanted to go. And what was the first thing I did?
I blamed God. I asked him why he would ever do this to me. How?
Until I accepted what had really happened.
I made this decision myself.
By not asking him what I was supposed to do and trusting that he knew best, I took it into my own hands. And anyone who is anything knows that he did what any good father would do.
He let me make my own mistakes.
By allowing me to feel alone and take me to my knees, he strengthened me.
This was my fault, but through my mistake he had given me a sermon. A chance to take an amazingly horrible story and tie it in with a miraculous ending.
And now the only thing I can say is a saying my brother once said:
Now that I have taken a step back, Lord, help me take two forward.
This is what makes faith amazing. The fact that a man can make such a horrible mistake yet be taught the great lessons in life.
Never underestimate God. Ask him for the small things. Cherish your family. Thank him for what you have. Because the second you take your life into your own hands, you will fail.
With newly humbled love.