"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." -Romans 7:15 (ESV)
God's word has hit me to the heart today. Reading Paul's reflections in Romans 7 about that tension of doing what I hate and not doing what I want to do, I am stricken by the word "hate."
Sure I understand what it is like to do things I wish I hadn't. I know what it is like to do things and feel bad for doing them, but I am not certain that I HATE my sin. I am not certain that I see my sin and loathe those things which continue to pull me away from my Father. I dislike them and try to avoid them, but I cannot say that I HATE them.
I want to look at those things which disconnect me from Him and know that I hate them for that. I want to hate my sin and those things which continue to attack my heart with guilt and shame. I want to hate my sin that I might love God more.