The past 3 days has been really surreal to me, partly because I've been at home fighting a tummy bug (I'll skip the details) and partly because of a book I started reading in this time. The book is "Simplicity", written by Mark Salomon, the vocal of Stavesacre and serves as an explanation why these guys do not play in the so called "Christian market" anymore. It's difficult to explain the range of emotions I'm going through while reading this book (I'll try not to be too dramatic). This guy makes soooo many good observations that it actually scares me. How plastic have I become? There's too many things in this book to cover now, and as this is not a book review, I don't feel obligated to anyway…
One particular thing he mentions that I'd like to point out, is something so true and obvious, that I'll have to admit that I may be on "slow side" not to have realized it sooner. That is that so many new Christians that make a solemn decision for Christ start their journey with their only intention to just obey God and to make the Lord happy. Then, somewhere along the line, this desire to please the Master turns into some perverted wish to be acknowledged by their peers and fellow Christians as a "godly person" and although you still try and do good, you do good for all the wrong reasons. This is very, very dangerous, because as soon as this Christian is removed from surroundings where people praise his "godliness", what has he got to stand on?
I have to do some introspection. What is my motivation behind most of the things I do? Is it purely to be different than the "others" that the world hate so much? Is it purely to try and shock (with respect) the living daylights out of my pastors just so they would see that the world is bigger than the church meeting rooms? Or is it because I love God so much and want to be who He wants me to be?
Which raises another point: being stressed and burned out spiritually because you fight a battle at church every Sunday isn't normal or healthy. Is it their fault? Am I being unreasonable? Do they even know I'm battling my brains out? Is it right for me to feel like Martin Luther, fighting against the current "church system"? Patience, kindness, long-suffering – a deep breath. We live in a time when the church is being brought to it's knees by the world around us. They see right through the fa?ade, shouldn't we? If we have built our spiritual lives on what we perceive as "normal Christian behavior/experiences" (who decides this anyway?), we will crash down with it. I believe God seeks individual experiences ” we all are lead through individual paths. He wants us to go to the next level.
I realize most people reading this will have no idea what I'm on about (please forgive me) ” but hopefully there's a few tired souls out there who will find comfort in knowing that you're not alone, and will rest in the knowledge that God is fixing His church, although it may look as if it is being blown to bits.